Whither vinegar?

For those of you who don't know, I'm a vinegar comedian. This means I explore the comedic, ironic, and satiric possibilities inherent in vinegar. If you see me in action, it's unforgettable, you'll be "pickled" pink! [pickled-->tickled, see ;-)]

I didn't use to be such a comedic craftsman, though. If you'll let me wax nostalgic for a minute, I'll transport you back to my first bit. (doodoodoo! doodoodoo!) Well, I was downstairs at my house. My sister was sitting on the couch. And I looked on the table, and bam! Right there was a large jug of vinegar. I was just struck with such inspiration, like I was possessed. So I just picked up the vinegar, held it in my hands, and looked at my sister with a neutral expression. And that was it! I bust out laughing, it was so goddamn funny. Just me, standing there, with the vinegar, this blank expression on my face. My sister didn't get it, she told me to fuck off or something, but I knew in my heart that I'd struck comedy gold. And my fate has been sealed since that day.

My art has advanced so much since then. All I have to do is feel the sloshy heft of a huge jug of vinegar in my hands, and ideas start eating their way through my brain. I soon pioneered the "hold a jug of vinegar with a devious expression" routine. I leapt to the "loom over someone, blankfaced, with the vinegar" bit. From there it was a natural progression to "I'm standing there with the vinegar when you enter the room, turn around, or turn a corner." But I couldn't stop there. Taking inspiration from Andy Kaufman and Zen Buddhism, I developed a piece where I leave the vinegar in an unexpected place!! Just the other day, I unveiled my latest project, "purposefully leave the room while carrying the vinegar," and I couldn't feel better.

So I've been feeling really good lately about my vinegar comedy. It's been a long time since I hefted my first briny jug. I really have a career I can be proud of, and I've been on the bleeding edge of the medium since day one. It kinda makes me a little nervous, though. It's like, with so much success, what's next? There's this constant pressure to innovate, to come up with pieces that aren't just funny, but subtle, meaningful, paradigm changing. Part of me wonders if, after covering so much territory, there are any possibilities left? But then I smile and remember that it's vinegar were talking about here, the possibilities are endless.

I feel like I'm standing on a diving board above a huge pool of vinegar. I get butterflies in my stomach when I look down. I can feel a slight burning in my nasal passages. But I know there's only one thing to do: dive right in.